“She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.” Proverbs 31:25 (NIV)
Self-esteem is about personal value. It is a measure of how you think and feel about yourself. It’s your overall attitude about yourself, your self-image or self-concept.
The relationship is ova and it has destroyed your confidence and any thoughts of a future romance. Thoughts about yourself have been fluctuating between positive and negative, or from high to low. You have lost yourself in the fray. In order to increase positive thoughts about yourself, you must come to grips about who you are, and begin rebuilding those truths about yourself.
1.Acknowledge the dissolution of the relationship
Own up to the situation. Denial will only cause more setbacks. You may be broken right now, but you have the ultimate say about the next chapter in your life. No one else can write your story better than you. You can continue to either feel sorry for yourself, or you can be inspired to breathe and take your life back. This traumatic event may have pushed you in a corner, but when you realize that you have the power to change everything about yourself and your situation, you will come out swinging. No matter what anyone else thinks or says, you and God have the final say.
2. Make some notes about yourself – learn more about yourself
Broken relationships can cause devastating emotional setbacks that can lower self-esteem. If you have low self-esteem, you see yourself in a negative light. You can lose your identity, especially if you start blaming yourself for everything that happened. To boost your self-esteem, take some time to get to know yourself over again. Renew your faith, appearance, personality, sexuality, and your relationships with other people. Ask yourself “who am I?” Do you like yourself? Are you satisfied with yourself? Look in the mirror and have a conversation with yourself about you. No one else is listening. Talk to yourself about what went wrong, and what went right. The way you talk to yourself will have an impact on how you see yourself and what you think you need to do to move forward. (Trust me, I know…it works!)
3. Don’t let every Tom, Dick and Harry set your goals – set your own goals
We constantly try to give in to fit in. When you are trying to get over a relationship, everybody wants to put their two cents in and give advice, saying “you need to do this, or you need to do that” OR “you need to get out there and start dating again! There’s plenty of fish in the sea.” (Parents are good for saying that). Then you have this one girlfriend who wants to set you up on a blind date. This is all about YOU. What do YOU want to do? Do you want to live in the shadows of everyone else’s standards and expectations and forget about yours? Sometimes advice is intended to be good, however, it is important that you make your own decisions, set your own goals at your own pace. It takes to heal. Don’t lose yourself in the process. Keep God in the mix. Setting goals should represent YOUR ideals and values. So when it gets a little tough, refer back to back to these goals and try to accomplish at least one of them.
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4. Set realistic goals to thwart off another emotional setback
Don’t demand too much of yourself. Before you can go anywhere or get anything out of life, you must determine what you want to do with your life now. Date? Remain single? Need an attitude adjustment? Take your time in getting your life back on track. Set realistic goals about things or about yourself that you want to change for the better. Identify your inner strengths and areas that need improvement. Remind yourself of your victories, successes and positive qualities. Each success will motivate you and help build your confidence. Keep a daily journal of your personal growth and then remind yourself just how awesome you are!
5. Quit sabotaging yourself
Everyone has failed at something. A failed relationship does not define who you are and it does not dictate your future. Life happens and we are not perfect. But it’s not healthy to linger at the Pity Pool Party. Secure affirmations about yourself. Focus on the good deeds that you have done and your strengths. Reflect on the time when your child was born, or when you received a college degree, when you found some money, or when you helped a friend pull through a difficult time. Reflect on your good days because they always outweigh the bad days. People with low self-esteem stay at the Pity Pool Party too long and can’t adjust with reality. Stop thinking negatively about yourself, and take charge of your thinking. It’s never too late to change. Get counseling if needed.
6. Focus on your strengths…turn the spotlight on your good points
Some people sink deeper into depression by continuing to focus on their situation. They forget about their good qualities and virtues and constantly think about their failures, shortcomings and relationship mistakes. Focus on productive and meaningful relationships with friends and family. Remind yourself of who you are in Christ. Pat yourself on the back, reward yourself and think positive.
7. Keep a positive outlook
Surround yourself with nourishing, positive people. Seek out good friendships that honor God. Tap into your spirituality and develop a personal relationship with God. This will enhance your self-esteem. Get rid of obnoxious and negative people. Identify people with similar qualities to yourself. Counteract negative thoughts with positive ones. Embrace the powers within you and learn to appreciate them.
Love God with all your heart, mind, body and soul. Be inspired to breathe!
Did you ever have a moment when your self-esteem was destroyed? How were you able to restore confidence in yourself? How were you inspired to breathe again?
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