“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” Romans 12:2 (NIV)
There is really no secret potion anyone can offer, or shake a magic wand over your head to recover from a heart-wrenching breakup. Everyone deals with obstacles and life disruptions differently, so it’s ok if you are still struggling through the grieving process. You may have done your best to keep the relationship from dissolving, but now you carry the burden of being alone and unloved. You feel like you are withdrawn from the world, nobody cares, and you’re stuck in an emotional tailspin all by yourself and can’t move forward.
Trust me. I understand. Been there, done that. The emotional scars from the marriage and divorce left me desperately needing to change my life. I was literally in a spiral downhill. Close to a year of grieving, I began to visualize the important things that really mattered to me; my spiritual journey with Christ, my child that I had to raise alone, and my livelihood. I had to come to grips with reality and accept the truth for what it was.
Visualizing how I wanted my life to be created a path of self-awareness to become happier, stronger and more confident in what I was capable of doing as a single mother. So I began to write in my journal all the things that I was passionate about in order to move forward. Writing my thoughts down allowed me to focus on concrete goals for mental and spiritual growth. I realized that if I didn’t see any kind of growth, then there was no real progress being made to move forward.
Start the New Year fresh by decluttering your mind. The mind is the place where streams of clutter can collect dust balls and cause chaotic mental obstructions. It’s time to clear out the closet of your past and make room for new garments of the future. Learn to accessorize your life with truth, happiness, and love. Embrace who you are and allow beautiful thinking to clear out the dust balls of all the hurt and pain that you have endured.
“Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies.” Philippians 4:8-9 (MSG)
SCREAM to the top of your voice –I’m done with my past and I’m free to move forward – no looking back!!! The past is just what it is—the past. It’s time to make room for new dreams and a new future! (Scream loud and mean it!)
Set priorities –Priority is the “preference given to one activity over other activities.” Identify your objectives, then prioritize them, and complete all the tasks needed to accomplish them. Stay on track.
No more procrastinating – Stop waiting until the last minute to do something that you had intentions on doing earlier. Everyone does this occasionally, but chronic procrastination is linked to lack of self-control, poor organization skills, and low motivation. You will never move forward if you continue to procrastinate. If you say you’re going to something, do it! Make decisions and stick to them!
Find balance – take time out for yourself. Renew a relationship with yourself. Plan and determine goals. Write them down in a journal, planner or visualize with a Vision Board. Don’t put too many to-do-things on your calendar. You can get tired and burnt out trying to do everything in one day. Get to know yourself as a unique individual, capable of moving forward to greater accomplishments.
Reorganize physical space –Are you a hoarder? An emotional packrat? Are you still holding on to sentimental items that you had in a previous relationship? Some of these things are just a reminder of the past. Free up physical and mental space. Return the items, have a garage sale or put the items up for sale on eBay and make a little side money. Set aside things you want to keep and things you want to sell or donate. Your junk (or ex’s stuff) is someone else’s treasure. Thinking is so much clearer and better when your physical surrounding is cleaned up, junk-free and free of past reminders.
Get rid of unhealthy friendships – Let go of friends who are not critical to your relationship. Decide whether they are uplifting you are weighing you down with extra baggage that you don’t have time to carry. Watch out for friends who continue to borrow money from you and don’t pay back or always complaining and criticizing. Look out for friends who use you just to get something from you. After they get what they want from you, they disappear. You don’t hear from them anymore until they need your generosity again. Toxic relationships – let them go.
Free yourself of trapped emotions – Free yourself of emotional junk that is no longer needed. Identify negative issues and resolve. Sort through them. Suppressed emotions can lead to anxiety, fear and panic attacks. Release thoughts of past mistakes. Remove unnecessary distractions and negativity. Breathe!!
Meditation – Connect with someone greater than all your problems – God. Allow him to direct your life. Pursue spiritual growth by reading God’s word daily. Learn to meditate and relax. Meditation may have some value in reducing levels of stress. Take up a good book and read. Simply learning how to pray, meditate and relax are useful strategies for decluttering the mind.